Setting Healthy Boundaries

I was so blessed Saturday morning with a beautiful group of  open hearts and sharing voices! 

We talked about setting healthy boundaries. 

What is a boundary?  In a physical sense, a boundary marks off where your property starts and where the neighbor’s end.  You are responsible for your side and they are responsible for their side.  While not as easy to mark off, emotional boundaries also mark off where your responsibilities start and end. 

Boundaries are like fences that you put around yourself to keep the good, healthy part of you well and where you can also keep the unhealthy people and things out.  This means you protect you! 

Notice that I said fences and not walls.  A wall means that nothing gets through from either side whereas a fence allows flow.   And in that flow healthy conversations and boundaries can be set.

Setting boundaries is a way of defining who you are and what you are all about, what you will do and what you won’t;  what’s acceptable to you and what’s not. 

Jane Bluestine, Ph.D, Boundary Setting  101 writes:  “The ability to set, express and maintain boundaries is and essential part of any healthy relationship.  Boundaries build ‘win-win’ relationships by making clear our needs and limits, while letting others know what options are available for meeting their own needs.”

Painbodies

I had to wonderful opportunity to listen to a beautiful lady share her story to me today.  She spoke about her life and her beliefs that she has carried heavily on her back for many years.  One voice being that of her father, a reassuring voice.  “You can be anything you set your mind  to be,” he would tell her.  Then another voice, her mothers, which was not so supportive.  For every time  her mother would say you can’t, her dad would say, over and over, you can.  But the I can’t stuck!  Dad’s voice was negated by mom’s and that set the course for many years of suffering.  Only after her father has passed can she give his voice the place it deserves to be in her mind.  He is physically gone now and her mother is alive and well, but finally, something changed inside her to be able to hear clearly the voice that was from love, acceptance and everlastingly Dad’s.

What to do  you choose to hear?  Is your life still functioning from the voices in your head that tells you what you can and can not do?  Are they your thoughts?  Your beliefs?  Or are they old painbodies that you are still pulling behind you like a cart with flat tires? 

You can choose what to carry with you and what to drop to the side.  Find three things from your past that you need to pick up and remember and with that drop the thoughts that no longer serve your highest self.

Peace be with you!

 

Connection

What does it take to stay connected? 

 Does the repetitiveness of asking others to say involved really help? 

Have we become so isolated as a sociality that we have lost our need or desire to stay connected to other people outside of our family, work or business opportunities?

Help me to understand.  What do you think?

This little light of mine…

I’m going to let it shine. 

Let it shine, let it shine.

Hide it under a bushel basket?

No, I’m going to let it shine.

In the light of my shining soul, I can see your darkness and your light.  I can see if you belong or feel alone.  I can see the changes that you are making and the lives you are touching.  I can feel your light shining on my light because we are one.

Who I am to know these things?  I am you, who, knows these things too.

When we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 

Spreading the love, the light, and the oneness of us all.

Much love and peace today!

Don’t Should on Me!

How many times a day does someone tell you that you should be doing something?  Or you should have done something different?  Or you should try this? Or you should try that? 

How many times a day are you the one “shoulding” on someone else?  Are you the one always telling someone else what they should be doing?

It is easy the fall into the trap of telling people, from our own perspective, what or what not they should do, be, say, look like, act like, react to, coil from and well, I think you understand.

And then the could!!  If the should were not enough we often follow the should with the could.  You could have had that.  You could have been doing that.  You could…

These two words feel like shame words to me, they produce anxiety.  Telling someone else what they should have or could have done makes them wrong in some way. 

Right or wrong in our perspective doesn’t make someone else’s wrong,  just different.

  What do you think?

Recurring life…

“Our very life depends on everything recurring ’til we answer from within.”  Robert Frost

Have you ever notice that you keep experiencing the same things over and over.  We are here to learn the lessons of this lifetime, and until we do, the lessons will continue to show-up.  Only when you find the answer within yourself will the lesson be learned.  It will, only, show-up again if you “forget 2 remember” what you have learned.

The process is ongoing and continual in living, loving and learning.  Enjoy the moments!

Hmmm…

Is your living of life creating you or draining you?  How does your learning experiences make you different?  What has been your growth this week?  Are you still growing or have you become numbed again?

Lots to think about! 

Have a beautiful weekend,

Derinda

Just wondering…

I am just wondering…

 

 

are you living each day

 

 

or dying each day?

Would you rather…

Recently, I attended a Rainmakers “Spook-tacular” event and yes, I dressed up! As a new Board member for this networking group part of their requirement is to participate in the October function by appearing in costume. I showed up with my furry ears, nose and whiskers displaying a great Cheshire grin! Other than avoiding inhaling from my plastic cat nose and losing a whisker or two, all was successful.

At every event, like the one I attended, the group participates in an “ice-breaker”. The purpose of this is to get the group to interact with the other members. Because of my recent rise to Board member, I had the privilege of facilitating a small group. The topic for the group was “Would you rather…”. As an example one of the questions was, “Would you rather catch your top salesperson in your firm stealing from the company or have your phone and internet service disconnected for 3 weeks during the busiest time of the year?” Each question was designed to make you think about what you would do and how it might affect your company, yourself or family. Although there was no “right” or “wrong” answer, the responses certainly gave me pause.

I found it very interesting the different choices that were made from those questions and how the respondents justified their position. Some thought of their business, others thought of their family or themselves. The powerful part of this exercise was that they made a choice. Their choices were predicated on “where they were in life” or perhaps “where they wanted to be”.  Nonetheless, I spent some time thinking about their choice and the consequence. It was an incredible experience!

The question seems so innocent, until you put it to the test. And once you have the answer, the choice is made. So, now I pose the same question to you…

“Would you rather… have an opportunity to meet some new people, reconnect with old friends, and perhaps learn some incredible life skills by attending our Forgetting 2 Remember Mini-Session on November 7^th … or sleep in?”

I imagine…

I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense that once hate is gone they will be forced to deal with pain.

 We often step into hate more quickly than we step into love because we believe that someone else is hurting us and we cannot accept that we are creating our own pain and suffering.  When we stop looking outside of ourselves for the source of pain we have made the first step towards healing it. 

What do you think?