The Game of “LIFE”

 

Why do we place so much pressure on ourselves to prove that we have it all together?

What is so wrong with being real and honest and sharing that we don’t always have all the right answers?

We are all human beings on this journey doing the same thing-trying to get by, trying to make a living, raising our families, trying to make a marriage work, trying to prove to everyone around us that we have it all!

I, as a Life Coach, friend, sister, wife, mother, and stepmother have never had it all together nor have I met anyone that does. 

We walk around pretending that “everything is fine.” Is it?

What would happen if we all dropped the ego, the pride, and just became real in our relationships with others?

Remember the game of “LIFE?”  In that game you pick your career, get your salary, head to the chapel and get married, pass a few spaces and start filling up the car with pink or blue pegs(children).  You spin the wheel again hoping to land on a good spot that lets you continue to move forward, all with the hope of having the biggest house and the most money at the end of the game.

How is that working for you?

Where are you in this game?

What would happen if you stopped playing and really started living?

It is not too late to join us for the May21-23, July16-18 or the October 1-3 intensive weekend retreats.

Are you ready to get real?

Is it from your head or your heart?

Do you know that there are two ways to have the same conversation? 

Most of the time when we are in a verbal fight with someone we are talking from our head.  We say things that are hurtful or belittling because we feel hurt.  As I’m thinking about this most of all conversations are from our head.  Most of the time we don’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to speak from our heart.  Our first defence is from our head (ego) and second from our heart (love). 

Men seem to be the pros of head talking while women talk more from the heart.  It seems to be apart of our culture, what is acceptable in the roles that we play as male or female. 

How do you show up most of the time in conversations? 

In your actions and reactions from your head or your heart? 

How does the place that you are thinking from affecting your relationships with others?

How To S.E.E.

Why do some things upset us so much?  We notice that our reaction is not in balance to the action we have encountered.  Why are we over-reacting so much?

We need to S.E.E. what underlies the emotional charge that we are feeling:

Is it Shadow?  Is it Ego?  Or,  Early life unfinished business?

Here is an example: A person has a sharp tone to their voice when speaking to me and it bothers me all day.

Shadow:  Am I like that sometimes? Is it in me to treat people that way?  Our negative shadow contains all that we strongly dislike in ourselves but sometimes can’t see.  We tend to detest in them exactly what we disown in us. (Our positive shadow holds our untapped potential.  We admire in others what is buried and unaware in us.)

Ego:  We become enraged because someone have spoken to us in that manner.  “Don’t they know who I AM?”  This statement gives us a clear view that our entitled controlling ego is out of balance and we are angry at not getting our own way.

Or, Early life re-enactment:  “My mother talked to me this way and it hurt.”  The sharpness is the voice today may be triggering a reminder of a past experience or wound.

Your reaction is likely to be your shadow if you cannot believe you could ever be like that.  It is likely to be your ego if you think “how dare they…” And it is often past experiences if you feel grief or powerless or if later you become obsessed with your reaction or the event.

How do you S.E.E. things?

The F.A.C.E. of Ego

The arrogant ego that fights intimate love is the face we keep trying not to lose.  This F.A.C.E. of ego is Fear, Attachment, Control, and Entitlement- the most vicious enemies of intimacy.  Attention and appreciation are lost in the self-centeredness of entitlement.  Acceptance and allowing cannot happen when control takes place over equality or when attachment to one’s own version of reality dominates.  Authentic affection cannot be shown when fear is a driving force.

A  F.A.C.E. lift can happen when we are resource-full and learn to act with fear but not because of it and we are no longer afraid to show our fear and to be vulnerable.

Unconditional love is love without the conditions-the F.A.C.E.- of ego.  Such love is free of Fear.  Attachment turns into healthy bonding. Control becomes the efficiency that respects the other’s boundaries and gains his respect.  Entitlement becomes  assertiveness that gracefully bows to the fact that we do not always get what we want. 

When I feel:                                   I choose instead to:

Fear                                                   Love

Attached                                          Let Go

Controlling                                      Grant Freedom

Entitled                                              See Myself as Equal

Every one of the characteristics of the neurotic ego is a form of pain:  It hurts to always be on guard and wounded.  It hurts to be so frightened of spontaneity that we have to hold our reins tight and be constantly in control.  It hurts to be so terrified of the conditions of existence that we have to demand an exemption from them.

It would be a great tragedy if we were to die having successfully saved face in all our relationships.

When we let go of having to assert our ego, we become more able to discover the indestructibility of our soul.