The F.A.C.E. of Ego

The arrogant ego that fights intimate love is the face we keep trying not to lose.  This F.A.C.E. of ego is Fear, Attachment, Control, and Entitlement- the most vicious enemies of intimacy.  Attention and appreciation are lost in the self-centeredness of entitlement.  Acceptance and allowing cannot happen when control takes place over equality or when attachment to one’s own version of reality dominates.  Authentic affection cannot be shown when fear is a driving force.

A  F.A.C.E. lift can happen when we are resource-full and learn to act with fear but not because of it and we are no longer afraid to show our fear and to be vulnerable.

Unconditional love is love without the conditions-the F.A.C.E.- of ego.  Such love is free of Fear.  Attachment turns into healthy bonding. Control becomes the efficiency that respects the other’s boundaries and gains his respect.  Entitlement becomes  assertiveness that gracefully bows to the fact that we do not always get what we want. 

When I feel:                                   I choose instead to:

Fear                                                   Love

Attached                                          Let Go

Controlling                                      Grant Freedom

Entitled                                              See Myself as Equal

Every one of the characteristics of the neurotic ego is a form of pain:  It hurts to always be on guard and wounded.  It hurts to be so frightened of spontaneity that we have to hold our reins tight and be constantly in control.  It hurts to be so terrified of the conditions of existence that we have to demand an exemption from them.

It would be a great tragedy if we were to die having successfully saved face in all our relationships.

When we let go of having to assert our ego, we become more able to discover the indestructibility of our soul.

Painbodies

I had to wonderful opportunity to listen to a beautiful lady share her story to me today.  She spoke about her life and her beliefs that she has carried heavily on her back for many years.  One voice being that of her father, a reassuring voice.  “You can be anything you set your mind  to be,” he would tell her.  Then another voice, her mothers, which was not so supportive.  For every time  her mother would say you can’t, her dad would say, over and over, you can.  But the I can’t stuck!  Dad’s voice was negated by mom’s and that set the course for many years of suffering.  Only after her father has passed can she give his voice the place it deserves to be in her mind.  He is physically gone now and her mother is alive and well, but finally, something changed inside her to be able to hear clearly the voice that was from love, acceptance and everlastingly Dad’s.

What to do  you choose to hear?  Is your life still functioning from the voices in your head that tells you what you can and can not do?  Are they your thoughts?  Your beliefs?  Or are they old painbodies that you are still pulling behind you like a cart with flat tires? 

You can choose what to carry with you and what to drop to the side.  Find three things from your past that you need to pick up and remember and with that drop the thoughts that no longer serve your highest self.

Peace be with you!

 

I imagine…

I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense that once hate is gone they will be forced to deal with pain.

 We often step into hate more quickly than we step into love because we believe that someone else is hurting us and we cannot accept that we are creating our own pain and suffering.  When we stop looking outside of ourselves for the source of pain we have made the first step towards healing it. 

What do you think?

Are You Creating Problems?

When you create a problem, you create pain.  All it takes is a simple choice, a simple decision: no matter what happens, I will create no more pain for myself.  I will create no more problems.  Although it is a simple choice, it is also very hard.  You won’t make that choice unless you are truly fed up with suffering, unless you have truly had enough.  And you won’t be able to go through with it unless you choose to live in the present moment of NOW.  If you create no more pain for yourself, then you create no more pain for others.  You also no longer contaminate the beautiful Earth, your inner space, and the collective human psyche with the negativity of problem making.  ( This is adapted from Eckhart Tolle, The Power of  NOW)

I have to stop at times to remind myself of this.  At any given moment there is no suffering in that present space.  All suffering is created from a past or a future thought.  So the next time you find yourself wrapped up in a problem, STOP!  It is not present.  Come back to the moment  now and be open to the gifts that are right here, right now. That is what is real, that is what is present and in that space everything is perfect. 

Happy Monday to all of you! I’m wishing you a day of living fully in the moment and enjoying each one.  Yesterday is over and tomorrow will take care of itself.

Thinking from a different outlook.

Thinking!  Sometimes I think we think too much!  Always trying to figure everything out before it even happens.  What’s is going to be like?  What are we going to do?   What if?  What if not? 

None of this pre-thought in trying to understand what might be coming will ever take the place of the actually present moment.  We just create alot of suffering by having to continually try to stay ahead of life.  Because most of the thoughts are not real but the story of how we think or want it to look, feel or sound.  And  then so often when the real moment shows up we are disappointed because it did not happen as we had planned.  I love the quote from Mark Twain: ” I have led a long and terrible life, most of which never happened.”

Try not  to pre-live your life but to be openly aware of the gifts that the present moment has to give.  Show up in awe to each day, to each gift.  Look for what happens from this place of living.

Don’t make assumptions

Agreement 3, Don’t make assumptions.  We all have been taught what the word  assume means.  Remember?  Ass u me. 

We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything!  What other people are doing and thinking, how they are feeling etc.  And we assume that what we are thinking about the other person is the truth!

The problems that thinking can create is huge.  We misunderstand people, we take their actions personally and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.  If we wonder what someone it going through, then ask!  And have the courage to keep asking until you are clear about the situation that you were making assumptions about.

So much suffering can end in our lifes when we stop expecting someone to know what we want and need because they love us.  We must communicate fully and honestly so assumptions don’t have to be made.

Practice makes perfect, each time you catch yourself making an assumption about something and then realize it is just your own thoughts you can reinforce open, loving communication.  Slowly, and with practice , your old habits will cease and the new awareness’s will become where your life functions. 

Happy growing in awareness!

Don’t take anything personally.

Agreement 2 in Don Miguel Ruiz book, The Four Agreements. 

Don’t take anything personally.  Just think of the amount of suffering you can avoid in life with making that one of your agreements. 

Nothing others do is because of you.  Nothing others say is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their reality and their experiences . 

If someone says something hurtful to you it doesn’t make you what they said, it only makes them someone who has to be hurtful.  It is their stuff , not yours.  If what they said hurt you that is because you already had that wounded place inside yourself and their words touched it.  They are  not hurting you, you are hurting you! 

I feel this agreement to yourself is an important one to continually strive for.  Write those word on a paper and put  it some  where that you can see it often.

Give it a try this week. 

Remind yourself of the fact that we are all living from our own perception and all that we put out to the world is from that view.  It is just are own stuff.  It is just every ones own stuff so don’t take anything personally.

I promise you peacefullness in that understanding.

Pain and Suffering

 What a great way to start a perfectly beautiful Friday morning!

There is a huge difference pain and suffering.  Pain is something that we all experience as a part of life,  we smash our finger and feel physical pain , we lose loved ones and feel emotional pain, we can even experience physical pain for someone else’s pain.  But suffering is that which we bring on to ourselves!  Pain is inevitable, suffering is not.

We cause suffering for ourselves when we choose to sustain the loss or pain. For example; we lose a beloved pet,  that loss in very painful.  The suffering come from replaying the loss over and over, wishing or wondering if we should have done something different, been a better owner, took him or her on more walks.  The suffering created by that thought pattern can be overwhelming and devastating far beyond the actual loss of our beloved pet.  The suffering can stop when we choose to accept the loss, acknowledge that we are imperfect human being in an imperfect world and know that every minute of everyday we all do the best that we can.  And it was good!     The pain will eventually ease with time just as a smashed finger heals.   The suffering stop when you choose for it to stop.

Have a blessed weekend, lacking in suffering!  Talked to you again on Monday.

Much Love & Peace,  Derinda