Don’t Believe Everything…

I once found a bumper sticker that read: “Don’t believe everything that you think!” 

“Most people spend their entire life imprisoned with in the confines of their own thoughts.  They never go beyond a narrow, mind-made, personalized sense of self that is conditioned by the past.”  Eckhart Tolle – Stillness Speaks.

What if we stop that thought, choose a different one, change the narrow, mind-made perception and expand the vision?   What more can you “see” and understand? 

How will your day change when YOU stop believing everything that YOU think? 

 Now, that is something to think about!

Would you rather….Guest Blog, Wilson Vessely

I got a new app for my Iphone, “Would You Rather…” I was going through some of the questions, some I had to think about the others were quick, but one question really struck me: Hate or Be Hated. I answered and after you answer they show what percentages of people agree with you and disagree.

So take a moment, would you rather hate or be hated? And as my mom would do, let’s take it one more step and answer why?

60% of people chose hate. I fell in the 40% category. I’d much rather be hated then to hate someone. Sadly I think some people already hate me, so it’s not to far off. There are people I don’t like, but I honestly could not say that I hate someone, it’s such a negative thing.

When I was in high school I “hated” people. I’d say to my friends how much I hate that person, but looking back on it now, I was jealous of them, but I labeled it as, “I hated them.” I don’t think I could truly hate someone, or to wish they were non-existent. Everyone has a purpose, even if it’s to be an asshole.

“All you need is love” -The Beatles

Wilson

Remembering the True Meaning of Fear.

Wilson, my son, and I were talking this morning about business and what it takes to be successful. He is in the process of starting his own production company www.wilsonvesselyproductions.com  

 

 He has the same fears that we all have with starting a business and putting himself out there to the public. I was talking to him about the old salesman joke that you are going it get nine “no’s” before you get one “yes” so get out there early, get the “no’s” out of the way, so you have plenty of time left for your “yes.”

 

It is fear that holds us back from being all that we can be. Keep in mind that the “no” is NOT about you but that they do not in need to your service. We tend to take it personally, that there is something wrong with us, when in fact it has absolutely nothing to do with us! 

 

When it really comes down to it don’t we just want to know if our service can help or not so that we can move forward? 

When remembering that it is NOT about you, then nine “no’s” are like water off the ducks back.

And never give up the hope for ten “yes’s.” It can happen! 

Good luck Wilson! I’m incredibly proud of you and the man you are. Thank you also for making my Forgetting 2 Remember Video, it has been a great hit!

Fear= False Evidence Appearing Real

Ashamed afterwards?

Utter only the words of which we won’t be ashamed afterwards, which we won’t regret saying.  It is easy to discourage, it is far too easy,  all to easy to criticize, to complain, to poke a painful subject. 

Why? Because we react with hate, fear, and defense to the perception of the words that have hurt us, or we FEEL were intended to hurt us. 

Have you every been caught in one of those conversation that all of a sudden took a left turn and you realized that you had been very misunderstood in what you were saying?  It can be shocking afterwards to realize how it went wrong especially when your intentions are so sincere.  But it happens.

Let us try instead to be more quick to see even a small amount of good in a person and concentrate on that.  Let us be more quick to praise than to complain.  Is the words that you spoken to another human being something that you are proud of or do the words leave you ashamed for being so judgemental?

We should be generous in our judgements of others, for we can never really know all there is to know about another.

Differences

 

“Differences are not intended to separate, to alienate.  We are different precisely in order to realize our need of one another.” –Desmond Tutu

How often do you fall into the trap of thinking that because someone doesn’t share in your view of something that person can’t be your friend?

Do you only surround yourself with likeminded people?

What can you learn from the person that shares a different view of the world?

Can you find in that person the humanity that unites us as human beings versus the words that divide? 

Can you step outside our own fear of the indifference to show love to this person that only wants to be heard too?

Winter Blues

It is official now, the onset of the winter blues! A sampling of yesterday’s text messages went something like this, “I just want to die, Derinda” and ” It’s just one of those days…” Just so you know no one that texted me yesterday died or didn’t make it through the rest of the day!

The “blues” have passed me by this year or maybe I should say I have beaten the “blues” game. I haven’t chosen to participate in this year’s activity. I must be honest there have been some past years that I played, and played very well I might add. It’s dark, gloomy, and my nose is cold, and my toes are cold, and my tail is cold…. Oops, I got carried away with a line from the movie 101 Dalmatians. And yes it is all of those things!

But…

In the last few years I have pulled up my long johns and headed out the door. Why does a sunshine or a warm day make such a difference to the way we feel? I get it; warm feels good and so does sunshine. I, like the rest of you, love a warm and sunny day. But when I take ownership of my own warm and sunny the weather outside can not touch me on the inside or even gets close to changing my day.

Here’s to warm and sunny inside you and the rest in just a fluctuating thermostat!

Let your warm heart and sunny smile make today brighter for everyone and see how that feels to the winter “blues.”

 

A big “T” or a little “t”?

An interesting email came to my inbox this week.  I read it and then read it again.  Ok, no hi, no hey, no Dear Derinda.  Just straight to the message, straight to the point and then no good bye, no sincerely, no nothing but a small letter t.  I must say I’m not used to that type of email coming in, so it caused me to stop and ponder the bigger message, if indeed there was one.

My first thought was wrapped around too busy or too lazy.  Too busy to take the time to politely email or too lazy to take the time to politely email?  I don’t have an answer for that question.  I think I would have to ask the person who sent the email to find out.  Maybe it all just comes down to respect or being polite in general.

My second thought was wrapped around no ending, no sign off other than a small letter “t”.  Ok, so maybe you are starting to think that I’m thinking way too much about this, but the task in front of me was mindless so it opened up the opportunity to reflect more deeply.

What does the small “t” mean?   Does it mean this person subconsciously doesn’t have a great deal of self-worth or wants not to appear better than me, so kept it small on purpose? Or again could it be just a lack of time or desire to hit the shift key?

With just coming off from writing a blog about perception, this particular email left me with a great deal to perceive.  After the long thought process, I perceived the email as a self-worth issue from the sender as well as disrespect towards me.  We cannot give from something that is not in us to give.  From that perception, my heart softened and wondered how I could help this person grow to “see” themselves more fully.

Perception or reality, only one person has the answer to that question!

How would you have perceived the email?  And better yet, is what you are sending and saying true to whom you are or the perception that you are?

Perception

How do you put your pants on? One leg at a time!  That is what I thought.   Yet we place people as much more important than ourselves.   We see the person with the stage pass, the microphone, the briefcase to be the one who is the expert.  We hold everyone else in higher regard in comparison to ourselves.  As a former business owner of a very successful hair salon in the 1980-90’s, I would often hear clients say they wished that they could fly to New York to have that “professional make-over.” We all know that anyone who does hair in New York would be far more superior to someone in Noblesville, Indiana.  We are talking New York!  They just cut hair better there, or do they? 

Perception is what New York is all about.  Women would perceive it as the place for the best haircut or make-over.  Yet there was no difference in my training and technique than anyone in the United States.  I traveled and studied with the best of the best.  So it came down to the perception. I had people who would travel home to Indiana around when they could get their hair done with me because no one else in Florida, California, Arizona or New York could possibly do their hair correctly.  True?  No, again, just perception.

So why do we give so much power away to our perceptions?  Why do we fail to see ourselves?  Why is the expert always outside of us? 

To answer that question, we must first be willing to know who we are and honor and respect our own self.  Sure, none of us are experts in everything we do or know everything about everything.  But what we do know and who we are as experts deserves the respect of others, as well as the acknowledgment of our own self.  Who will trust and believe in you as the expert if you don’t first trust and believe in you? 

Who is the expert in you?  I’m l ooking forward to reading your comments.