Judgement – Guest Blogger, Wilson Vessely

If God’s the game that you’re playing
Well, we must get more acquainted
Because it has to be so lonely
To be the only one who’s holy
It’s just my humble opinion
But it’s one that I believe in
You don’t deserve a point of view
If the only thing you see is you
You don’t have to believe me
But the way I, way I see it…
…Next time you point a finger
I’ll point you to the mirror

-Playing God by Paramore-

Sometimes we judge to quickly. Sometimes we point at someone and negatively label them, or we pick on the one “weird” kid in class, etc.

We’ve all, and if not you’ll hear it now, heard the phrase if you point at something there are 3 fingers pointing back. It is so easy to place the judge on someone else, but if you were to take a moment and look at yourself, maybe you wouldn’t point.

There was a guy in high school that made me mad, one day I thought about it and realized some of the reasons he made me mad were the way he was around people, unaware at the time I was acting the same way. So once I turned the flashlight on myself I realized the mistake I made.

Next time, in a negative way, that you call someone else out with a point or something else, stop and think if the thing or person that really is bothering you and/or annoying you is you. Stop and look at yourself to see if you should be the one pointing at yourself as opposed the other party.

Its so easy to judge people without giving a second thought about it, we judge on the clothing, the way they walk, talk, act, even the way the place an order at the drive thru window! Then unaware you order the same way at the drive thru but you don’t take time in your day to “check in” or evaluate what bothers you. To see if the cause is the person who tells the world what they’re ordering or if it is you who is telling the world your order.

Turn the flashlight on yourself once in a while and see what you see.

Wilson Vessely- Guest Blogger

 

Seeing Yourself

I recently read an article on seeing yourself as others see you. As stated in the article ” we give more weight to actions that conform to our theory about who we are.” I found this to be very interesting. When you view yourself, you do that from what your intention is rather than what is perceived by the other person.

No wonder we often feel misunderstood!

We look at others from a distance and watch for actions and body language to match the content of what they are saying and we make a judgement from that point of view. You may feel that you are sending the right message but if you’re often misunderstood then you need to have a conversation around that subject. “What am I saying and what am I doing that leads to these miscommunications?”

How to see the real you

 

Ask a trusted friend. They often have a clearer view of us than we do of ourselves. Ask what they have noticed about how you speak about a particular issue. What are your non-verbal behaviors that you display that you might not have noticed?

Keep a journal of your actions over a few days. The aim is to spot behaviors you would otherwise ignore because they don’t ‘fit’ with your internal view of yourself. In Forgetting 2 Remember Seminars we refer to this as shining the flashlight on your self.

Learn to spot your feelings and reactions. This is different from dwelling on your feelings. It is about noticing how you feel when something unexpected happens. If your boyfriend or girlfriend suddenly breaks a date, is your immediate reaction disappointment or unexpected relief? Such split-second reactions can be indicative or our deeper feelings.

This journey, we call life, is about learning, loving, and living. Each moment a new fresh choice to do just that!

Enjoy!

 

It’s ok to cry.

That was a song that I used to sing to my children when they were crying.  “It’s ok to cry. ”  Many of us grow up in a time when crying was consider weak or lacking in self-control.  I remember hearing the words” stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”  I thought that I was already crying about something.

  No one is to blame just old teaching being re-taught.  How many times we are all guilty of passing on the same judgements, views and ideas we were taught even when they don’t serve our belief any more.  We don’t stop often enough to review the old tapes that we carry around with us.  Maybe it is not so bad or weak to cry but refreshing, cleansing and restorative.  Maybe within a good cry some great awareness’s can grow.  Maybe by feeling and allowing our self that gift of emotion, healing can take place.

Besides all of that, the tears don’t have to be  only in sorrow but tears can be fully expressed in joy too.  So next time you feel a good cry coming on for whatever reason.  Just let it go!  I promise you that there is much more to gain from letting it go, then from ever holding it in.  Keep singing… because, it’s ok to cry and it takes great strength to sit with your emotions and feel.

Happy cleansing!

Being you!

 I recently met a beautiful young lady that seemed to be unconcerned with what others thought of her.  I found her to be refreshing in this time  where  so much focus is on ”fitting in”, dressing a certain way, being like everyone else. 

She  didn’t fit the  that mold in anyway.  She was pierced and tattoo, her hair very short and unusually colored.  I noticed that she had a tattoo on her forearm that was, I believe, in Latin.  I asked her about it and what it said.  Her reply was, “they condemn what they don’t understand”.  

Wow!  So very true !  

 When we make a judgement about someone else, that does not make that person what we say they are.  It only makes us a person that has to judge. And judgement comes from fear, insecurity, our own not understanding.

Just something to think about!  Have a great weekend!