A big “T” or a little “t”?

An interesting email came to my inbox this week.  I read it and then read it again.  Ok, no hi, no hey, no Dear Derinda.  Just straight to the message, straight to the point and then no good bye, no sincerely, no nothing but a small letter t.  I must say I’m not used to that type of email coming in, so it caused me to stop and ponder the bigger message, if indeed there was one.

My first thought was wrapped around too busy or too lazy.  Too busy to take the time to politely email or too lazy to take the time to politely email?  I don’t have an answer for that question.  I think I would have to ask the person who sent the email to find out.  Maybe it all just comes down to respect or being polite in general.

My second thought was wrapped around no ending, no sign off other than a small letter “t”.  Ok, so maybe you are starting to think that I’m thinking way too much about this, but the task in front of me was mindless so it opened up the opportunity to reflect more deeply.

What does the small “t” mean?   Does it mean this person subconsciously doesn’t have a great deal of self-worth or wants not to appear better than me, so kept it small on purpose? Or again could it be just a lack of time or desire to hit the shift key?

With just coming off from writing a blog about perception, this particular email left me with a great deal to perceive.  After the long thought process, I perceived the email as a self-worth issue from the sender as well as disrespect towards me.  We cannot give from something that is not in us to give.  From that perception, my heart softened and wondered how I could help this person grow to “see” themselves more fully.

Perception or reality, only one person has the answer to that question!

How would you have perceived the email?  And better yet, is what you are sending and saying true to whom you are or the perception that you are?

Perception

How do you put your pants on? One leg at a time!  That is what I thought.   Yet we place people as much more important than ourselves.   We see the person with the stage pass, the microphone, the briefcase to be the one who is the expert.  We hold everyone else in higher regard in comparison to ourselves.  As a former business owner of a very successful hair salon in the 1980-90’s, I would often hear clients say they wished that they could fly to New York to have that “professional make-over.” We all know that anyone who does hair in New York would be far more superior to someone in Noblesville, Indiana.  We are talking New York!  They just cut hair better there, or do they? 

Perception is what New York is all about.  Women would perceive it as the place for the best haircut or make-over.  Yet there was no difference in my training and technique than anyone in the United States.  I traveled and studied with the best of the best.  So it came down to the perception. I had people who would travel home to Indiana around when they could get their hair done with me because no one else in Florida, California, Arizona or New York could possibly do their hair correctly.  True?  No, again, just perception.

So why do we give so much power away to our perceptions?  Why do we fail to see ourselves?  Why is the expert always outside of us? 

To answer that question, we must first be willing to know who we are and honor and respect our own self.  Sure, none of us are experts in everything we do or know everything about everything.  But what we do know and who we are as experts deserves the respect of others, as well as the acknowledgment of our own self.  Who will trust and believe in you as the expert if you don’t first trust and believe in you? 

Who is the expert in you?  I’m l ooking forward to reading your comments.

Seeing Yourself

I recently read an article on seeing yourself as others see you. As stated in the article ” we give more weight to actions that conform to our theory about who we are.” I found this to be very interesting. When you view yourself, you do that from what your intention is rather than what is perceived by the other person.

No wonder we often feel misunderstood!

We look at others from a distance and watch for actions and body language to match the content of what they are saying and we make a judgement from that point of view. You may feel that you are sending the right message but if you’re often misunderstood then you need to have a conversation around that subject. “What am I saying and what am I doing that leads to these miscommunications?”

How to see the real you

 

Ask a trusted friend. They often have a clearer view of us than we do of ourselves. Ask what they have noticed about how you speak about a particular issue. What are your non-verbal behaviors that you display that you might not have noticed?

Keep a journal of your actions over a few days. The aim is to spot behaviors you would otherwise ignore because they don’t ‘fit’ with your internal view of yourself. In Forgetting 2 Remember Seminars we refer to this as shining the flashlight on your self.

Learn to spot your feelings and reactions. This is different from dwelling on your feelings. It is about noticing how you feel when something unexpected happens. If your boyfriend or girlfriend suddenly breaks a date, is your immediate reaction disappointment or unexpected relief? Such split-second reactions can be indicative or our deeper feelings.

This journey, we call life, is about learning, loving, and living. Each moment a new fresh choice to do just that!

Enjoy!

 

Wings to fly!

I had a great conversation today with a friend that I had lost contact with several years ago.  In our conversation we were talking about how things can be perceived either from a positive or a negative view point.

It was a reminder that the times things don’t work out the way we think they should often are gifts that give us the wings to fly, to make a change that otherwise we might not have done or even seen.  Gifts come in all forms and some of the greatest ones come from others unawareness.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change!!

Happy flapping of your wings today!

Peace of mind through forgiveness

With peace of mind as our goal, forgiveness becomes a path we must walk to reach that goal.

Forgiveness is a self-awareness tool that we can use to correct our misperceptions and for helping us to let go of fear.  Simply stated, to forgive is to let go.

With this peace of mind goal in mind we must think of ourselves first in terms of self-fullness, not selfishness. The second step is forgiveness.

We become frustrated when we make the mistake of loving others as the first step.  Through our past experiences and distorted views some people simple seem unlovable; because of OUR faulty perception of their behavior it is difficult to love them.

When we have peace of mind as our goal, we can then take that second step, forgiveness, and choose to see others as extending Love, or being fearful and calling for help in the form of Love.

With this change in perception, it becomes easier to give both total love and acceptance to the other person and in return experience inner peace at the same time.

Other people do not have to change for us to experience peace of mind.  It is a choice within you.